Department of Education Poetry

In honor of another politician from the Chicago machine being rewarded with a position in the new administration, a poem that was originally published by the Center of Education Reform in 1996:

The Blob Who Thought It Stole Christmas

All the parents and teachers they wanted reform.

They looked for solutions to break from the norm.

They wanted things better, that’s why they were fighting,

To make sure their kids would learn reading and writing

And science and math and history too

For everyone’s children, not just a few.

But the Blob and its grinches, they hated reform.

“Imagine,” they sniffed ” trying to break from the norm.”

Standards, and charters, and school choice and such

This ed-reform business is much, much too much.

Who are they, these people this reform-minded crew

Who think they know better than us what to do?

We’ll fix them,We’ll teach them,We’ll show them who’s boss.
We’ll make doubly sure that they suffer a loss.

We’ll stop all their harping and carping and cries

We’ll tell all the people their numbers are lies.

We’ll say that they’re wrong And without hesitation,

We’ll say that they’re out

To destroy education.

Oh, we’ll offer solutions - the people will buy it,

All we will need say is, ” It won’t hurt to try it.”

Whole language, new math,

And lots of things pending

(Which, of course, will require more billions in spending.)

And for those who ask questions or say it’s a waste,

With great condescension, they’ll be put in their place.

We’ll stop the reformers, we’ll stop them, we will,

Because after all,

We’re the kings of the Hill.

So the Blob and its grinches

Embarked on their task

To make sure that all things reform finished last.

But the parents and teachers and grandparents too,

Went on with their work, they knew what to do.

The Blob might have money and power and might.

But that didn’t mean that they knew what was right.

And no matter the odds, or how long it might take,

The reformers were steadfast… a difference they’d make.

They wouldn’t be quiet

And they wouldn’t give in

And whenever they lost, they would just start again.

They offered suggestions and wrote legislation

And some ran for office, (to the Blob’s consternation).

We’ll stop these reformers the Blob-grinches blustered

And what we can’t stop we will just filibuster.

We’ll do all we can, oh we’ve got a few tricks,

After all it’s our business to play politics.

Against our opponents we’ll spend, spend galore.

And for those who are with us, we’ll spend even more.

And when it was over the Blob danced with glee

Their efforts had let to a great victory.

They’d shown the reformers, and now they could say

“Just take your reforms, now take them away.”

But the parents and teachers and grandparents too,

Just smiled at the Blob, because everyone knew:

That for all of its millions and for all of its might,

The Blob had not managed to carry the fight.

No matter the money and time overspent

No matter how much their support they had lent

In state after state they had failed to defeat

The education reformers they said they would beat.

And when it was over the fact remained still,

That they couldn’t be really the King of the hill.

And for all of their ranting and raving and storm

They’ve really done nothing to stop ed- reform.